23-year-old pressures girlfriend to cancel her birthday getaway for a last-minute dinner with his family, she refuses, having books her trip a month in advance: "[You're] choosing friends over people who really care"

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  • 01

    AITAH for refusing to cancel my birthday trip because my boyfriend's mom planned a family dinner the same day?

    "It's not that hard to show up for family"
  • 02
    I (20F) planned a weekend getaway with two close friends for my birthday. I've had a rough year, and this trip was something i really looked forward to. It's nothing wild. Just a cabin, some wine, and hiking. I booked it over a month ago and told my boyfriend (23M) right away. He said it sounded fun and was happy for me.
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    A few days ago his mom decided to host a family dinner on the same weekend. She didn't ask about our plans, just texted the whole family like "dinner at our place Saturday night. Everyone expected!" My boyfriend asked if I could cancel the trip or at least come back early so i could attend.
  • 05
    I told him no. It's my birthday, i made the plans first, and I wasn't going to cut it short for something his mom planned last minute. He got really quiet and said i was being "disrespectful to his family" and "choosing friends over people who really care"
  • 06
    Now he's distant, and his sister texted me something like "it's not that hard to show up for family" I dont hate his family at all. But this felt unfair. AITAH for sticking to my birthday plans?
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    LeaC_ Absolutely NTA. You planned this trip well in advance, and it's your birthday-a celebration you deserve, especially after a tough year. His mom's last-minute dinner doesn't automatically override your existing plans, and it's unfair for them to frame this as some kind of loyalty test.
  • 09
    The real issue here is the lack of respect for your time and the guilt-tripping. Your boyfriend had no problem with the trip when you first told him, but suddenly you're "disrespectful" for not dropping
  • 10
    everything? That's a double standard. If family time was so non-negotiable, he could've told his mom, "Hey, OP already has birthday plans that weekend- can we adjust?" Instead, he's making you the villain for... sticking to commitments?
  • 11
    Stand your ground. Healthy relationships don't demand you cancel meaningful plans to cater to someone else's poor scheduling. And if his family "really cares," they'd understand that birthdays (and boundaries) matter too. Enjoy your trip guilt-free...
  • 12
    miamroe OP Wow, thank you for this. You put into words exactly what I've been feeling but couldn't explain. It really did feel like a loyalty test, and the fact that he flipped after being totally fine with it just confuses me even more. I really appreciate you validating that boundaries matter!
  • 13
    content_great_gramma Think about it - he expects you to cancel plans made way before the dinner party. That says that MoMmY's plans trump yours. This could be an omen that he expects you to forfeit any plans that you make in favor of his demands.
  • 14
    CocoaAlmondsRock NTA. "I'm out of town that weekend. Y'all have a wonderful time. Can't wait to see pics!" If they can't deal with that, that's a problem. It was an invitation, not a summons. You already had plans. Your life does not revolve around them not even around your boyfriend. --
  • 15
    Gnomes Stole MyMeds NTA. You're an adult and she's not even your mom. She doesn't get any say in your schedule.
  • 16
    beaglemomma2Dutchy Exactly. He's not going on the trip, so he can go. HIS family, not hers!
  • 17
    Hot_Interview_9899 NTA. You made your birthday plans well in advance, and it's not your fault his mom scheduled something last-minute. You're allowed to prioritize yourself, especially on your birthday.
  • 18
    CAgirl17 Also though, my mom would never text me and say "everyone expected." Super inconsiderate anyways to expect anyone to attend without any consideration of plans.
  • 19
    LushPeachy Dream Your boyfriend should be supporting you on your birthday not asking you to cancel your plans
  • 20
    TeaLadyJane NTA and take note. Dating is interviewing potential partners and their family before marriage (if you choose that route).
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    SalemVesper Exactly this is a preview of what family comes first might look like long term your plans and feelings coming second nta.
  • 23
    Sebscreen NTA. This is a power play. Your bf and his mum wants to ensure that you're an easy to manipulate pushover who would throw away meaningful plans for a run-of-the-mill dinner just because they asked.
  • 24
    Thalu_for_you I would have texted the sister back "it's not hard to ask when people are available either" f her
  • 25
    lollira NTA. You made your birthday plans well in advance, and it's not your fault his mom scheduled something last-minute. You're allowed to prioritize yourself, especially on your birthday.
  • 26
    GlitteringGarbage579 NTA regardless, it's a normal family dinner - it isn't al special event and even if it was, it's last minute so you've got something already booked. That happens.
  • 27
    If his family "really care", they'd be offering to re arrange or be wanting to do something to celebrate your birthday when it's convenient for you. Otherwise they should accept that you're busy and that be it.

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